Who's Laughing Now?

What's it going to take to turn me into Mother Teresa? Do I need to read scripture and pray for 24 hours a day? Do I need a new diet? More exercise? A lobotomy? Last night I slept for twelve (yes, twelve) hours and I'm still the same cranky and impatient mom that I was the day before. You'd think that after getting that much sleep I'd be a walking saint, but it turns out I'm still me and I haven't changed yet!

It's been two years since I first noticed how many opportunities I had for spiritual growth in my daily interactions with my children, two years since I first noticed how they seemed to offer up every opportunity to grow in the fruit of the Spirit, two years since I became conscious of actively choosing to pursue the Spirit in the moment, two years of trying to grow more loving, more joyful, more peaceful, and (at the moment) more patient, but I'm beginning to wonder if there isn't something wrong with my method, because I don't seem to be changing at all. Kindness and gentleness and self-control still don't come naturally to me. What's it going to take for me to change? When will this stop being work?

Looking for opportunities to practice patience this month has made me realize just how impatient I am for this spiritual discipline to yield results. I feel like all this should be getting easier and it's not. Maybe there's no Spirit behind all this fruit. Maybe people can't change. Maybe this stuff doesn't come naturally to me because I have some sort of a block, maybe there's some sort of barrier between me and God.

Or maybe it's only a matter of time. When my kids are impatient it's usually because they lack perspective on the bigger picture. They get so frustrated because they think that how they're feeling or what they're experiencing is the only thing they'll feel and experience into eternity: the bus is NEVER going to come, the drive will NEVER end, the food will NEVER be served, we will NEVER eat, things will NEVER change. I can't help but laugh at their absurd reasoning. Maybe I should laugh at my own?

(im)patience

What parent doesn't get daily opportunities to exercise the virtue of patience, February's spiritual fruit of the month? In fact, I'm looking at a full evening of fruitful growth opportunities. The challenge: Stay patient and sane over the next five hours while folding six loads of laundry, tidying the house, getting supper ready, getting Nicholas to drumming at 5pm and Beavers at 6pm, picking him up, cleaning the kitchen, and packing for our trip to Quebec City. Care to place a wager on how I'll do? Oh, there's an extremely high-pitched squeal! The first of many tonight, I'm sure. Deep breath. Spirit in, Spirit out...patience.

Just writing the word - patience - makes me realize that there's a lot to it; patience is about more than restraint in the moment. I'm thinking that the practice of patience also involves an appreciation of the moments in which we find ourselves, no matter what the moment brings. Most days I find myself in such a hurry to get on to the next thing that I forget to enjoy what's in front of me right now: the mess and challenges, affections and intimacies of daily life with young children. I've got to ask myself, why the rush? Isn't this just what I've been waiting for?