Yesterday I got up at 5am and went for a run around two of my favourite neighbourhoods here in Edmonton. Even though it was at least minus 20 degrees celsius and, yes, it was 5 o'clock in the morning, I was in heaven. All sound was muted by the heavy snowfall the night before. Nobody else was out. Snowflakes sparkled under the streetlights. It was the first time I had felt any sense of peace in weeks. Even better, I was back home by 6am with time to shower, dress and enjoy a hot cup of coffee before anyone else was even awake. Now that's what I call a good start to the day.
Wake my husband up at 5am for an early morning run and, well, hell hath no fury like Steve before noon. His time to himself is from 10pm to midnight when the rest of us are asleep. Steve and I live naturally in two different time zones. The only time we ever get to sleep and wake up at the same time is when I visit relatives on the West Coast and he's still in Toronto.
We're both willing to cut back on sleep to gain a few quiet moments to ourselves. This is a sacrifice, but I wonder whether a sense of peace is possible without some sort of compromise on our parts. Six days into the love and inevitable stresses and tension of a big family Christmas I've witnessed enough small conflicts to keep me thinking about a blueprint for peace. And what I've come up with is this: Peace is meeting our own needs while respecting the needs of others.
Both Steve and I need time to ourselves, but our kids need us constantly during their waking hours. Whose needs win out? Taking time for myself in the early morning means I'm as present as possible to my kids during the day. And Steve cuts out of work earlier than most of his childless contemporaries so that we can eat dinner as a family.
We've got to meet our own needs for whatever gives us inner peace, but peace isn't peace if it comes at someone's expense. This has become a bit of a mantra for me this holiday season as I attempt to balance my own need for quiet, solitude and long, uninterrupted visits with family and friends and my children's need for attention and engaging activities.
On Monday night I think I got it right. I wanted to go for a nighttime walk to look at the stars and people's Christmas lights and I wanted Steve and the kids to come with me. I had visions of us coming home with ruby red cheeks all aglow from the frosty walk to cuddle on the couch by the Christmas tree and read Christmas stories and drink hot chocolate.
Nicholas and Emma wanted to watch Scooby Doo.
Compromise, consideration and a real attempt to keep the peace got us out the door. I was willing to let them watch an episode of Scooby Doo on either end of our walk and they humoured me by putting on their snowsuits and heading out in Siberian conditions to look at the lights and the stars. Hot chocolate and Christmas stories by the tree will have to come another night. It wasn't exactly what I had planned, but I got what I needed and so did everyone else. We negotiated without resorting to threats and violence - no small triumph -and fell asleep that night contented and happy, in heavenly peace.
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